"The sacrament of matrimony signifies the union of Christ and the Church. It gives spouses the grace to love each other with the love with which Christ has loved his Church; the grace of the sacrament thus perfects the human love of the spouses, strengthens their indissoluble unity, and sanctifies them on the way to eternal life" (CCC 1661).
Getting Married?
CONGRATULATIONS!
We extend our congratulations to you on your decision to marry, not only out of friendship, but out of the belief that what you are planning is SACRED and CHRISTIAN:
SACRED because every wedding is a celebration of the love of a man and a woman dedicated, not only to each other, but also to a life of service to God and to all people. This dedicated love springs from the very core of our Christian mission which, in and of itself, is sacred;
CHRISTIAN because Jesus Christ pledged to be with us always, to help us become perfected persons and perfected lovers. Those who pledge themselves to one another in marriage make a similar commitment to serve and love each other forever.
SCHEDULE AND PLACE OF MARRIAGE
The Nuptial Mass or Marriage Ceremony may be celebrated at any time when it will not interfere with the normal parish schedule. Although weddings may be celebrated during Advent and Lent, the couples should be advised to keep in mind the special character of these seasons of the Church Year by observing a suitable simplicity in the ceremonies and decorations. A Wedding Mass is not allowed to take place on a Sunday or a Solemnity of the Church.
Canon 1118 of the Code of Canon Law requires that Catholics be married in a parish church. Catholics may not be married outdoors in the Diocese of Harrisburg whether the wedding takes place within Mass or outside of Mass.
TIME OF WEDDING MASS OR SERVICE
The exact time of the Wedding Mass or Wedding Ceremony MUST be discussed with the priest who will be witnessing the wedding. The latest time that a Wedding Mass or Wedding Ceremony may take place at the Church is 2:00 PM on a Saturday. This is to allow the parish to begin the celebration of regularly scheduled Sacrament of Penance on Saturday afternoons. Evening weddings are permitted Monday through Friday.
Remember when you are planning your wedding that the photography session following the wedding may take as long, or
longer than the wedding ceremony itself. Further, should you choose to have a receiving line following the wedding at the church you could be adding another twenty to forty minutes to the time you spend at the church. To avoid conflicts with other parish liturgies or events it may be necessary to have your receiving line at the place of your reception.
WHY MARRIAGE IN THE CHURCH?
Marriage is one of the seven sacraments of the Church.
We, as Church, desire to celebrate this sacrament with you
because of the supreme importance given to the sacrament to
which God has called you. This is so because it is within the Church that your marriage is first celebrated and then lived out until death.
On your wedding day Christ, within his Church, commissions you to be Witnesses of God’s love to the world in a special manner. By the action of your love you are to mirror the ever faithful, lifelong and creative love God has for the world. You become partners with the Church as you become ministers to the world in your vocation to the married life.
PREPARATION
The policy of the Diocese of Harrisburg establishes that at least NINE MONTHS of preparation time MUST be allowed before
the wedding can take place in the Church. This time period is the MINIMUM needed to accomplish three goals:
Personal Spiritual Enrichment
Intellectual Reflection
Deepening Your Relationship and Sharing
PERSONAL SPIRITUAL ENRICHMENT
Engaged persons want to give to each other in marriage the best possible person they can be to each other. For Christian believers, being the best possible person you can be means that you live your faith and grow in the Spirit of Christ.
Prayer, Bible Reading and the Sacramental life make up the time-tested way toward personal spiritual enrichment.
PRAYER should be an ever-deepening experience as you approach your marriage. Besides ordinary prayer time, engaged couples should find and make special prayer time together.
Sharing a time of prayer is a measure of your trust in each other
and in God’s presence in your relationship.
BIBLE READING is an experience in which readers listen to God’s Word spoken to them in intimate dialogue. Engaged couples should make a determined effort to read especially those Bible passages relating to you at this moment. When you read the
scripture passages together, these passages can guide your relationship toward a Christian vision of true fulfillment in marriage
The following are some passages suggested for your personal reflection:
Genesis 1:26-28 Romans 8:31-39
Genesis 2:18-24 Romans 12:1-18
Genesis 24:48-67 Ephesians 5:2-23
Tobit 7:9-17 Colossians 3:12-17
Song of Songs 1 Peter 3:1-9
Sirach 26:1-21 1 John 3:18-24
Matthew 5:1-12 John 2:1-11
Matthew 5:13-16 John 15:9-12
Matthew 10:3-6 Jeremiah 31:13-34
1 Corinthians 6:13-21 1 Corinthians 12:31-13:20
SACRAMENTAL LIFE is the way Catholics share in the life-giving power of God in their lives. Catholics are encouraged to receive frequently the Sacraments of Penance and Eucharist, which now can be celebrated with direct reference to the upcoming Marriage.
PENANCE helps Catholics reflect on God’s forgiveness and upon His mercy which is available in Christ through the Sacrament of Reconciliation. By this Sacrament, Catholics invite Jesus into their heart, into their personhood, and into their behavior to change what needs to be changed, in order to grow as a person and as a loving spouse. Catholics will want to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation often as they prepare for their wedding day.
EUCHARIST helps Catholics nourish and sustain the holiness and divinity that is within all of God’s creatures. The Mass is a renewal of the covenant between God and his people and is the greatest model of God’s love freely given and shared in the Eucharist. Catholics are expected to be faithful to their obligation to attend weekly Sunday Mass.
NON-CATHOLICS are encouraged to be faithful to their
tradition. Living up to the expectations of your own denomination will only augment your spiritual preparation in readying yourself for a life commitment forged in love. Members of other faith traditions are
urged to make an appointment with their Pastor or Rabbi for additional encouragement and direction.
NOW is the time for Spiritual Enrichment! Your preparation
for marriage has to be directed to the commitment you will soon undertake with the help of God and not to the mere arrangements
of a social event. Your spiritual enrichment is the single most
significant aspect of your preparation for Sacred and Christian
Marriage.
INTELLECTUAL REFLECTIONS
Marriage is an awesome life commitment! Due to the many varied aspects of married life it would serve a couple well to study
and learn as much as they can about the institution of marriage.
Never assume that you “know it all!”
We caution you not to rely on your own personal knowledge
and understanding of marriage. Make the effort to deepen your appreciation of what will be involved in YOUR marriage. Read at
least one good book on marriage. (Maybe each of you could choose
a book on marriage for the other to read?)
TALK TO EACH OTHER! Discuss your understanding of the obligations of marriage. Talk about your goals. Remember that
every marriage includes, joys and sorrows, successes and failures,
pleasures and pains. Discuss the positive and negative aspects
of your present relationship and what the both of you can do
together to change for the better.
Discuss the promises you will make on your wedding day that constitute your marital consent: PERMANENCE, FAITHFULNESS
AND FRUITFULNESS. These are the vows you will live the rest of
your lives.
The following books have proven to be valuable to couples
in the past as they prepared for their life together as husband and
wife.
· Married Lovers, Married Friends Steve and Annie Chapman; Bethany House Publishers
· Love for a Lifetime Dr. James Dobson; Multinomah Press
· What Wives Wish Husbands Knew About Women Dr. James Dobson; Tyndale House Publishers
· Understanding the Man in Your Life Dr. Norman Wright
· The Language of Love Gary Smalley and John Trent, PhD.;
· Focus on the Family Publishers
DEEPENING YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND SHARING
Like your courtship, your preparation for marriage calls on you
to deepen your relationship by sharing with one another your
thoughts and feelings, your beliefs and doubts, your strengths and
weaknesses about key aspects of marriage. To encourage the
serious and intense sharing of two persons emotionally involved with each other, the Diocese of Harrisburg offers you a choice of two programs:
MENTOR COUPLE SESSIONS—This process provides you with a trained couple to assist you throughout your preparation time. If your priest or deacon has not already had you complete the FOCCUS instrument, your mentor couple will do that with you at your first session with them. In the sessions that will follow your mentor couple will discuss topics that have surfaced from the FOCCUS, as well as other topics related to communication, spirituality, sexuality and finance.
Couples prepared in this way also must attend a Seminar on Marriage called God’s Plan for a Joy-Filled Marriage. This program, offered on a regional level, is designed to share the Church’s wisdom on the Sacrament of Marriage. It is also an opportunity for you to hear a presentation on Natural Family Planning.
ENGAGED ENCOUNTER—A weekend away from other distractions allowing plenty of time alone to plan your marriage. It is designed to give couples planning for marriage, the opportunity to dialogue honestly and intensively about their future lives together.
There is a nominal fee for the program you choose.
DOCUMENTS NEEDED
The following documents must be presented or completed
by the final appointment with the priest:
1. BAPTISMAL/CONFIRMATION — Certificates of any party NOT baptized at Holy Infant Church (certificates may not be
more than 6 months old at the time of the wedding ceremony).
2. PRE-MARITAL QUESTIONNAIRE (to be filled out with the priest).
3. FREEDOM TO MARRY — Certificates to be filled out by two witnesses verifying freedom to marry; if the couple is known by the priest witnessing the marriage, he may vouch for your freedom to marry.
4. PENNSYLVANIA MARRIAGE LICENSE — must be obtained within 30 days from the date of the marriage. There is a 3 day waiting period for all licenses. The license is valid for 60 days.
INTER-FAITH MARRIAGE
Inter-faith marriages are a special concern for the Roman Catholic Church, committed to the reunion of all Christian Churches. Ecumenism is best characterized by the desire to emphasize what the many Christian Churches believe in common without denying or over-looking real differences they have in faith and in practice.
Couples of different faiths stand, as it were, in the forefront
of the Ecumenical Movement. In your married life (and on your wedding day), you will have to live your faith. You will have to
share those things your faiths hold in common, where your faiths differ; concerned understanding and loving cooperation will be needed to respect and honor important convictions.
ALL SACRAMENTS ARE ACTIONS OF CHRIST AND
THE CHURCH AND, BY THEIR VERY NATURE, THEY ARE ESSENTIALLY COMMUNAL ACTIVITIES.
For this reason, inter-faith marriages MUST be:
ECUMENICALLY SENSITIVE The Liturgy of the Word and The Ritual of Marriage is strongly recommended when an
ecumenical marriage is celebrated. The Nuptial Mass is an expression of COMPLETE unity of faith shared by a Catholic marrying another Catholic.
In arranging for an inter-faith marriage, it is required by Church Law that permission be obtained from the Bishop’s Office
for this marriage to take place. This permission requires that the Catholic party promise to reaffirm his/her faith and that they will assume responsibility for baptizing and raising their children in the Catholic Faith.
A Pastor or Rabbi representing another faith tradition of one of the marrying parties is most welcome to participate in the
wedding celebration. Discuss with your consulting priest how your pastor or rabbi can participate in your marriage ceremony.
WEDDING MASS OR WEDDING CEREMONY?
Usually when two Catholics marry the ceremony always
takes place during Mass. The marriage of a Catholic and a
baptized person of another Christian faith normally is celebrated outside of Mass. If a Catholic marries a person who is not baptized, the celebration always takes place outside of Mass.
The decision regarding which form of celebration for your marriage
is most appropriate should be decided in consultation with the
priest or deacon preparing you for marriage.
PLANNING YOUR WEDDING LITURGY
READINGS & FORMAT—The outline, prayers and readings which will comprise the Wedding Ceremony or Wedding Service are to bechosen by the bride and groom in consultation with the priest or deacon who will witness the ceremony (“Together For Life” by Joseph Champlain).
UNITY CANDLE—The unity candle is not part of the Rite of Marriage and may not be used at the church in the Diocese of Harrisburg. The couple may want to incorporate the unity candle at the wedding dinner, or the wedding reception, as a grace before the meal. Refer to the end of this booklet for a copy of an appropriate prayer incorporating the unity candle.
CANDLE LIGHT-Due to safety issues, couples may NOT have candle light ceremonies. Candelabras rented from florists are NOT permitted to be used in the church.
DEDICATION TO MARY—Placing of flowers to the Blessed Mother
is optional. This can be done before the final blessing at the Wedding Liturgy. The custom of the bride placing a flower before
the image of the Blessed Virgin Mary is founded on Mary’s role in Scripture. As mother of Jesus and wife of Joseph, the bride prays through Mary’s intercession that God will bless her a mother and
wife in her married life.
REHEARSAL—The rehearsal is to be scheduled at the convenience of both the couple and the priest. On the night of the rehearsal, the couple must bring with them the marriage license and fees for services and give them to the priest. The organist is not present for the rehearsal.
PROCESSION TO THE ALTAR—In addition to the traditional entrance whereby the bride is escorted by her father and the bridesmaids are met at the altar by the groomsmen, there are other options as well. It is possible to have instead a procession into the church with the wedding party. Listed below are two options for the Order of Procession.
OPTION A: ORDER OF PROCESSION
*ushers and bridesmaids (individually or coupled) along with
flower girl(s) and ring bearer
*reader(s) of Scripture
*Priest or deacon presiding at wedding
*Bride and bridegroom (who may be escorted by their
parents) with best man and maid of honor
*Entrance song is sung as all enter
OPTION B: ORDER OF PROCESSION
*ushers and bridesmaids (individually or coupled) along with
flower girl(s) and ring bearer
*bridegroom with best man
*maid of honor
*bride escorted by father (and mother)
*entrance of the wedding party is accompanied by a musical
processional
*priest or deacon presiding at wedding, preceded by
reader(s) of Scripture, enter as entrance song is sung
MUSIC AND MUSICIANS—The Director of Music is responsible for music at all liturgical celebrations at Holy Infant Church. The Director of Music should be contacted at jilljayne67@gmail.com
or 717-891-8522, at least three months prior to the wedding date.
Music for weddings must follow the guidelines established by the Diocesan Liturgical Commission. Couples should not plan or select music for the Wedding Service or Wedding Mass until they have contacted and met with the Director of Music. Secular love ballads and show tunes are not permitted.
ALL COUPLES MUST MEET WITH THE DIRECTOR OF MUSIC PRIOR TO THE WEDDING. The Director is expected to play at all weddings unless the Pastor and Director of Music have approved other arrangements. Qualified guest vocalists and other musicians may be invited to participate in the wedding with the approval of the Director of Music. The fees listed on page 13 for the Director of Music must be paid even if you choose to not use their services the day of the wedding.
FLOWERS, PEW BOWS & AISLE RUNNERS—The parish purchases flowers each weekend for regularly scheduled Liturgies.
If you furnish special flowers for your wedding, they are to be left in the sanctuary for the weekend liturgies. If there is more than one wedding scheduled on a particular day, you may wish to share the cost and selection of the altar flowers with the other couple. Flowers may be memorialized, if the couple wishes.
A bridal bouquet may be placed in front of the altar or in front of the pulpit and smaller arrangements may be placed on the two side areas by our statues.. .
Pew bows are permitted, however, they are not necessary. If bows are used they are normally placed on the first 3 pews, but they may be placed on the end of each pew for the whole length of the Church. We ask that tape NOT be used to attach the bows, but rather pipe cleaners or ribbon as these will not mar the wood. Aisle runners are not recommended.
We ask that someone be responsible (other than those in the wedding party) to remove all personal items, bows, things left in pews, etc., following the wedding ceremony.
PERSONS WITH SPECIAL NEEDS - Please let the parish office know if special accommodations must be made for a guest or family member. Our building is equipped well for persons with disabilities. We also have special hearing devices that may be used upon request.
RICE, CONFETTI, BIRD SEED, FLOWER PETALS—The throwing of any kind of rice, bird seed, flower petals, confetti or the like is FORBIDDEN both inside and outside of the church. This is done
to protect you and the parish from liability claims for injuries
incurred to either you, or to others. Some couples use small bells, noise makers and/or bubbles following the wedding liturgy, which are permitted.
PROGRAMS—Printed program booklets are not necessary, but something many couples choose to design for their wedding liturgy. An attractive program with the Order of the Liturgy may be helpful to your invited guests. Your wedding ceremony is not a spectator sport, but a ceremony your invited guests are strongly urged to participate in as active participants. A printed program can be used for that purpose. Programs are also a nice way to list participants
of your wedding party and those playing a liturgical role.
If a Wedding Mass is celebrated, it is recommended that the following statement be placed in the program so as to assist non-Catholics with the appropriate protocol at the time of distribution of Holy Eucharist.
Catholics believe that the Eucharist is the true Body and Blood of
Jesus Christ and that our receiving the Holy Eucharist is the sign of
of our oneness and membership in the Roman Catholic Church.
We invite Catholics who are prepared and properly disposed to
Receive Holy Communion today. Others present not receiving Holy
Eucharist today are invited to use this time to pray for the intentions
of the newly married couple.
DRESSING ROOM—The parish may provide a dressing room for the bride and her party. The bride is expected to bring with her any mirrors, extension cords or personal appliances which she may require. All personal items such as boxes, hangers, plastic bags and all other items brought with you must be removed from the room, and the room put back in order. Again, we suggest that you designate a responsible family member or friend to take care of this for you. The groom and his party normally arrive at the church already dressed in their wedding attire.
CHILDREN—In order to preserve the sacredness of your wedding ceremony, we discourage the participation of children under the
age of 6 as part of the wedding party. It has been our experience that younger children tend to be somewhat of a risk as they can serve as reluctant participants. Serious thought should be given before deciding to have a younger child in your wedding party.
PHOTOGRAPHS—During the wedding, ONLY professional photographers may take the necessary photographs. We ask that the photographer be discreet and unobtrusive in recording this event. A good photographer will not use flash photography during the ceremony itself. He/she is not permitted to enter the
Sanctuary during the ceremony. Because photographs are meant to be a visible record of your special day, we prefer the photographer to take the essential photos during the marriage ceremony itself. The usual procedure is the photographer takes photos of the procession, after which time, he/she takes photos from off to the side or from the center aisle of the church near the back of the church.
VIDEO CAMERAS—Video cameras are permitted but must remain in the back of the church, or at either side of the front of the Church (outside of the Sanctuary). TV monitors may not be brought into
the church. This also applies to audio equipment with long cables. Having the cables and audio-visual equipment in the front of the church not only presents a safety hazard, but also is a distraction
to those attending the ceremony.
PICTURES AFTER THE CEREMONY—Photographers should be reminded to take photos as quickly as possible after the ceremony. People need to get into the sanctuary as soon as possible to prepare for either another wedding ceremony or for the evening liturgy.
SACRAMENT OF PENANCE - The Catholic bride and groom should receive the Sacrament of Penance in preparation for the wedding so that the grace of the Sacrament of Marriage may be most fruitfully received.
USE OF ALCOHOL—Alcohol is not permitted on church property
at the time of the rehearsal or the wedding ceremony. Members
of the wedding party are asked to refrain from drinking alcohol before the wedding rehearsal or the wedding. Should the bride or groom arrive at the rehearsal or wedding in an inebriated
state, the wedding will be postponed. Should a member of the wedding party be inebriated, he or she may not participate.